WAURIKA — What happens when you’re a spewer of words and the source of your spewing runs dry?
For months, you’ve written and written and written. You’ve reached deep into your gray matter to come up with catchy leads for stories; you’ve used every noun, pronoun, preposition, verb, adjective and adverb in your personal lexicon, and you’ve turned to resource books to find more.
Week after week as a reporter, you’ve penned every type of story known to humanity — hard news, soft news, sports news, school news, business news, club news, people profiles, analysis, investigative pieces, etc. — and you’ve made use of every writing style in the Journalism 101 textbook.
As a columnist who leans toward humor, you’re just not feeling funny. (Shame on those who just said, “Kaley, where’d you ever get the idea you were funny?”) And although there are some serious, thought-provoking topics you could columnize on, you’d rather step in front of a freight train than compose them.
Gang, welcome to a bad case of writer’s block, the dread condition that afflicts those who, for some reason or another, feel they express ourselves best by using the written word. Among journalist and writer types, this is also known as “hitting the wall.”
The only remedy I know for this affliction is to put down the pen, take my fingers off the keyboard, close the laptop and just back off.
And instead of sitting here whining, while I go into recovery, I’m turning this space over to some folks who can make you smile — and maybe provoke a thought or two.
• Will Rogers: “Things will get better — despite our efforts to improve them.”
• Dave Barry: “You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘My God, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!”
• Bill Cosby: “The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.”
• W.C. Fields: “Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.”
• George Gobel: “If it weren’t for electricity, we’d all be watching television by candlelight.”
• Gilda Radner: “I’d much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes and they are the first to be rescued off sinking ships.”
• Woody Allen: “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.”
• Art Buchwald: “An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn’t know any women.”
• Yogi Berra: “You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there.”
• Phyllis Diller: “Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?”
• Jerry Seinfeld: “I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup.”
• Charles M. Schulz: “Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask, ‘Where have I gone wrong?’ Then a voice says to me, ‘This is going to take more than one night.’”
• Slappy White: “The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning, you’re on the job.”
• Rita Rudner: “I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.”
• Robert Frost: “The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to the office.”
• Rodney Dangerfield: “I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was just being ridiculous — everyone hasn’t met me yet.”
• Tommy Smothers: “When you don’t know what you’re talking about, it’s hard to know when you’re finished.”
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